My top 10 foods for bulking

I've gotten a lot of requests to give my two cents on a bulking diet... I don't know why, I'm just a schmuck with a keyboard, but ehhh, what the hell.

Personally, when it comes to gaining weight, it should be common sense, eat more than you burn, but... for some reason people can't grasp that concept. Eating a lot means, A LOT! 3 big meals a day won't cut it. You should shoot for more like 7 big meals a day.... lets just say, you should never not be full.

Now, before I get into my rant, you're probably wondering whats up with my new writing style.. ie, short and choppy sentences. Big Lou Costa told me that paragraphs don't keep people's attention, so I'm giving this a shot... I think he's doing it to sabotage me because he's jealous that I'm a lot more better looking than he is, but who knows.

Anyway, back to binge eating.. err, bulking. I know you think you eat a lot and for some reason, be it genetics, or otherwise, you just can't seem to gain weight. I'm gonna take a guess and say that you eat like a bitch... a whiny bitch at that. I'll give you my top 10 foods and then I'll write up a sample menu based on a 200lb guy and hopefully, it'll give you an idea what I mean by eating a lot. These will be in no particular order.

#10- Whole Milk
Whole milk is awesome.. I mean, 150 calories per cup, some good testosterone producing saturated fats, some sugars to refill your glycogen, and lets not forget, a great source of complete protein. Shit, just a half gallon a day is an extra easy 1200 calories. If you're lactose intolerant, get the lactose free version, or just deal with it... pussy.

#9- Oatmeal
Another great, calorie dense food, full of nutrients and fiber and will keep you fueled for those long hard days in the gym... but if you need someone to tell you how to get big, then your workout probably sucks anyway.

#8- Ground Beef (or any other type of meat)
I don't care if its 80/20 or 95/5.... just eat red meat. I like ground beef because its easy to cook and extremely versatile, but all meats are welcome.

#7- Eggs
Eat the whole god damned thing. Mother nature wasn't stupid, thats why she made eggs with a white and a yolk. The yolk is so damn nutrient dense, its ridiculous. Oh yea, forget about all that bullshit you learned about cholesterol and how its bad for you, nothing could be further from the truth.... sugar causes heart disease, not fat and cholesterol.

#6- Heavy Cream
Again, just some good animal fats and calorie dense. You should really eat fat with your protein because they work synergisticly. Think about it, mother nature isn't an idiot.

#5- Green vegetables
I know what you're thinking, "they're not full of protein and calories! how can they be good for bulking?" Because you need to eat your fucking vegetables. You still need to have a balanced diet and get your vitamins and say your prayers, brother!

#4- Nuts
Again, full of fiber, protein and good fats that will keep you fueled and give you some good calories. Plus, there have been studies shown that people who eat certain nuts are less likely to die prematurely... whatever the fuck that means.

#3- Fatty fish
Salmon is my favorite. Make sure you get it with the skin on.... want to know how to make the skin taste like bacon? Heat up some oil in a frying pan (preferably olive oil or coconut oil) and butter the skin side of a salmon filet... don't be a bitch with the butter either. Put it in the frying pan so the butter and oil hit each other, cook till its pink halfway through and then flip and cook to your desired doneness.... the skin will be your new favorite part. Oh yea, its also full of fat and protein... notice all the good healthy whole foods that are dense in protein are also full of fat... again, thats nature telling you something.

#2- Yogurt
Yogurt is good because not only does it have some good complete protein, but it also has little friend guys that like to keep your gut in check. Plus, who doesn't like yogurt? Communists, thats who.

#1- Whey protein
You need protein and its a great way to add extra protein into your diet. Plus, there is a myriad of other benefits whey protein has for your body. Just take my word for it.

Wow, coming up with 10 foods was harder than I though. Really, any food is good for bulking, as long as its nutrient and calorie dense and you're focusing on protein! Protein is our friend, but you knew that already.

Now, here is a simple meal plan I would do if I was a 200lb guy trying to put on size.

First, I'd make sure I was getting at least 2 grams of protein per pound of bodyweight.. so thats 400 grams per day.

A lot of people say that to gain weight, you need to eat at least 18-20 calories per pound of bodyweight a day. I personally, find I can gain a lot of weight with a significantly lower number. But lets start with 18 calories per pound, per day. Thats 3600 at the MINIMUM you should get a day. I'm not going to get into any fancy numbers, but I would focus on protein and let the rest of the macro nutrients fall into place... you're bulking, not trying to rub yourself down with oil so you can fit into a speedo... although, that might go hand in hand for some of you.

Sample Menu

Meal 1
4 hardboiled eggs
2 cups Oatmeal
16.oz Whole milk with a scoop or two of whey protein mixed in
(You could also just mix the whey protein with water and add a cup or two of yogurt here)

Meal 2
2 cups whole milk
2-3 scoops whey protein
1 Tbsp. mixed nuts

Meal 3
12 oz. ground beef
A sweet potato with some butter
a cup of Broccoli

Meal 4
2 cups whole milk
2-3 scoops whey protein
1 Tbsp. mixed nuts

Meal 5
12 oz. Salmon
Sweet potato or regular potato with some sour cream or butter
Spinach salad with your choice of salad dressing

Meal 6
2 cups whole milk
2-3 scoops whey protein
1 Tbsp. mixed nuts

Meal 7 (Switch it with any meal for your post workout shake)
3 scoops whey
70-80 grams waxy maize
5-10 grams creatine

This is a simple 6 meal diet plan. There is a half gallon of milk in there and tons of protein. Notice there aren't any processed foods in there and that its low on sugary products. Yea, potatoes are starchy, but it ain't a fuckin slurpee. Should you eat like this forever? Absolutely not, but if you eat like this for 12 week consistently, rock it in the gym and you don't gain weight, then I don't know what to tell you

Also, drink lots of water. Water is your friend and dehydration is bad.... and on that note.. I'm going to bed... peace out bitches.