saying so long to an old friend: my experience with quitting booze

I've actually gotten quite a few requests from people for me to write about my experience with quitting drinking. so here it is.

Where do I begin? The last time I had a sip of alcohol was probably around 3am on the 27th of June. How do I know this? Well, for one, it was the weekend before the 4th of July, but also, if you've had the long run with booze like I had (about a solid 14 years), then you really fixate on when your mind can start to think clearly again.

I used to drink, a lot. Not often, just every single weekend, and when I drank... I DRANK! I know what you're thinking, "dude, I drink a lot too".... well, I'm just gonna go out on a limb here and say, put your baby shit away.

I'd like to preface this next sentence with the notion that in no way at all do I think the amount of how much I was able to put away in a night is something to be looked up to or emulated. When I talk about drinking a lot, I'm talking about something in the ball park of maybe a 750ml bottle of vodka or an 18 pack of Guinness... to pregame, and then, I'd go out to the bar and more than likely, have about 8-10 beers, or else I'd go straight for the Jim Beam and cokes... doubles, just a spritz of coke, for about 6-8... and all of that isn't counting possible shots that I might take... although, I'm not big on doing shots... I mean, come on, I do have my limits

Oh yea, I also forgot to mention my affinity to buy about 2 or 3 Four Lokos around midnight, when I'm slowly fading away to "see you next week" land, and slam those so I could hang for a couple more hours.

I know what you're thinking.. "bullshit" and I wish I could say that it was bullshit, but its not.

I'm not proud of it at all. Now that I'm sober and look back on it, I'm actually pretty ashamed. The sad fact is though, I've been drinking like that since I was in high school. I used to carry a 30 pack around with me at every party I'd go to, and I've been known to finish it on more than several occasions.

So fast forward to June 27. I woke up the next morning, and after several months of hating the way I was, I made a decision. I decided to quit drinking. I mean, sure, I had a lot of good times going out with friends, but I put it into perspective. Any time I actually had a good time, I wasn't that drunk. (You know how good of a time you can have when your little buddy won't wake up? not a very good one)

I know that most people would just say, "Why don't you just not drink as much?" Well, lets take a look at my life. I joined the military at 17 and decided to jump out of planes. I got out, moved to Ohio and took up a sport that has put me through injuries in 3 years than I ever had in the entirety of my life beforehand, I threw on 60lbs of body weight in less than a year, and now I'm going through poverty so I can make my dreams of never having to work a 9-5 job come true... I'm not one for moderation.

I don't understand the concept of moderation. Fuck moderation, its stupid. Either I'm doing it, or I'm not. I don't do anything "once in a while". I'm stubborn as fuck and I love to do things to the extreme, which has its downfalls, but I guarantee you'll never have to question my commitment toward something, whether its a friendship, relationship or sport. So on that note, I had to quit cold turkey, otherwise, I wasn't going to quit at all.

Don't get me wrong, I definitely miss going out and getting a buzz going, but I have bigger fish to fry. You know what its like to have a 4 day hangover and to try to be productive? And I'm not talking about the 4th day just being a day of lingering effects... its still a full on hangover. It sucks.

Oh yea, lets not forget that I smoked about a pack of cigarettes, if not more, every night that I drank. It was horrible. I constantly felt like shit and had the audacity to wonder why my training wasn't going anywhere.

I was blowing smoke up my own ass. I was telling myself that I was a strength athlete when in all actuality, I was a drunk who participated in a sport.

I hit my own version of rock bottom and it was awful. Thank God my version of rock bottom is only fucking up my grades and not going anywhere in my sport. It could have been a lot worse... lets just say, I'm happy I never had to suck a dick.

Well, lets fast forward to today. I feel great. I'm a lean, mean, machine. My priorities in life have changed drastically. Once I stopped focusing on what I was going to drink that coming weekend and started focusing on working toward goals to get my dream going, doors began to "magically" open. Its amazing what happens when you start to actually work hard instead of just wondering why shit never goes your way.

I'll admit one thing though. Its a lonely road. If you're going to make a decision to change your life like I did, make sure you have a good support system. I have a great support system, but like I said before, I'm a "face things head on" type of guy and asking for help isn't exactly my strong suit, but I know its there and I'm thankful.

Being on a college campus doesn't make things any easier. I might as well be a fucking leper. I'd like to say I don't care, but I'll always have that feeling like I'm missing out on something. My only saving grace is the fact that I'm a narcissist and I know that the work and dedication I'm putting into the moves I'm making now, are going to pay off in the future.

I mean, lets face it... I wish I was out every night chasing down hot college broads and getting shitfaced with my friends, but I also know that in 5 years, when I'm on top of the world, none of that shit will have mattered... those college broads will be telling there friends how in one point in time, they knew me and I'll be laughing in my bath tub full of hundred dollar bills (yes, I'm going to bathe in money when I get rich)

I dunno... my experience is just like any other decision. You just have to do it.. not "want" to do it, JUST FUCKING DO IT. Making the decision to do something is 99 percent of accomplishing a task... the actual execution is easy. (I should site Dave Tate here, since I got this idea from one of his articles.)

If there is something not going your way in your life, or you're wondering why things aren't going your way, take a look in the mirror and wonder why that is. For me, it was because of alcohol. What's your "excuse"? How are you holding yourself back?

Wishing in one hand, crapping in another

Recently, I've been making some moves, emailing some people about possible projects and working my ass off so I can make this whole "being strong" thing and the knowledge that I've attained over the past 14 years become lucrative for me. I'm not exactly the 9-5 job type of guy.. I'd rather have a bullet in my head.

So, in order to put my name out there, I made a fan page on facebook and I've gotten some criticism about it from a couple of people, which is fine, I could care less. I'm a fan of criticism... just read my last blog. I realize that I'm still just another schmuck at the bottom of the barrel, scratching his way to the top, but I'll tell you this.. I guarantee I will be on top. Go ahead, doubt me, it just adds fuel to my fire.

There's an old saying (I think its old anyway) "Wish in one hand, crap in another.. see which one fills up first"... its true. Everybody wants to be on top, but no one is willing to do the work. Keep wishing though, one day you might win a scratch off, but until then, if YOU don't get out there and promote yourself, then nobody gives a shit if you're the next great thing, regardless if its at your job, in your sport, or any other endeavor in your life.

The difference between me and other people? I know I'm the next best thing and I'm gonna hype myself up as such, but I also realize that if I don't bust my ass to live up to that hype, I'm going to crash down hard and fast. Its a risk, but without risk, there is no reward.

This whole process that I've been going through pretty much encompasses my entire belief system. I realize that I need the help of everyone around me, because lets be honest, I don't know shit about being a responsible adult, I need to get stronger in certain areas of my sport and when you give up everything else in your life to chase a dream, poverty goes hand in hand. Conversely though, I'm stubborn as fuck and will quit when I'm dead. Plus, I don't give a shit what anyone outside of my "inner circle" thinks about me. This world has 6 billion people in it, I don't plan on walking through the pearly gates with out pissing off at least a few people. On that note, bury me upside down so that anyone who doesn't like me can kiss my ass.

I realize this sounds like me defending my choices, which it partially is, but its also a wake up call to people out there wishing that they had a better job, were a better athlete, or just had a better life. Here's a tip... GET OFF YOUR FUCKING ASS AND GO MAKE IT HAPPEN. Quit crying like a bitch about "how hard you have it" and make some fucking changes.

Everybodies an expert

It amazes me how many "experts" there are on the web nowadays. Go into any forum, for any subject, and every schmuck with a keyboard is the grand shirpa of knowledge. Its ridiculous. Somewhere in between searching for porn and facebook, they've figured out everything there is to know about anything (wait, you're telling me that the internet is used for things other than porn and facebook?)

Well, I'm here to tell you that you don't know shit. I don't know shit. Most of us don't know shit. We think we do, and yes, some of us may know a lot, but unless you're constantly learning and proving yourself wrong, then you my friend, are not going anywhere but in circles.

I wanted to write this now while its fresh in my brain, because it happens to me often. I figure out, or rather, someone else shows me something new and I have a "duh!" moment. It makes me remember that, even with 14 years of under the bar experience and more hours spent with my nose in training books than I'd ever care to admit to anyone (lets just say I should have a pocket protector), I'm still just a grasshopper making his way through the world, trying to become a master. But, without a doubt, in 2 months, I think I'm the shit again, and I'm wrong. (Savor this moment, because I am one stubborn fuck and I very seldom admit that I'm wrong)

So the question stands, how do we keep ourselves from becoming arrogant fucks? Well, its simple, but it requires a lot of humility. First, you must seek out people who are better than you. That's right... you need to swallow your pride and become a rookie again. I know, it sucks.... I'm going through it right now at Westside Barbell. I went in there seeking some help with my squat and bench and I found out that I suck at deadlifting... and squatting and benching. (By strong people terms... I'm still more awesome at all three than 99.9999999 percent of the population.. do the math)

You know what happens when you go into a place like that and people start giving you those little cues like "push your knees out" or "squeeze the bar with your pinky"? After enough repetition, something finally clicks and you go "duh!". All of the sudden you have shit all figured out again... well, you think you do. Shit, even the way I've put on my wrist wraps is different now because I saw someone else do it a different way and I was like "wow, that works about a million times better and is so fucking simple"

I went through that 2 years ago when I started doing strongman (and I still do every weekend... blunt criticism is the name of the game, and I am more than thankful for that). I thought I was strong. I mean, I was stronger than everyone else in the gym, so why wouldn't I be good at strongman? Oh wait, because my scope of knowledge about strength sports was limited to nothing but muscle mags and the shit that I unfortunately learned in the gym. (I've managed to replace most of that garbage with some good knowledge).

Now, you might be asking yourself "scope of huh?", and I'll explain. Before I started training for strongman, I had a limited scope of knowledge about strength sports, or, in lay man terms... my view (scope) of what being strong was, was small and warped. It happens a lot and its nobody's fault, but when you're stuck in a cave for forever, you think you're an expert on shit because you've never had anyone tell you differently, because more than likely, you share the same scope of knowledge as the people around you.

Quick example, and an obvious toot of my own horn, but when I was the "strong guy" in the gym, what I thought was a lot of weight then, has now become not so much weight. Deadlift 405lbs? Pfffttt, chhhhh... how about my goal for an axle clean and press within the next six months.... whats the weight of the deadlift for that competition? oh, a mid sized car.

Ok, I know I'm sounding cocky as fuck, but in all actuality, that's what runs through the heads of a lot of the people I train and compete with... I still find myself in awe of it when I go onto a forum of my fellow strongmen and they're talking about how its "only an 800lb yoke" or you see guys that are 230lbs running with 350lbs in each hand. Recently, my scope has grown again, after witnessing several times, people benching over 700lbs. Its crazy, I know, but when you begin to grow and learn, it becomes normal.

And here is my last point. You need to be able to take criticism. Forget all that bullshit you learned in school about everyone being special. You're not special... you're just another dumb fuck who's taking up my oxygen. You need to go into your trophy room and throw away all the trophies that say "participant" or "most spirit" because you know what? You didn't earn them... participating in something isn't an accomplishment.

I know, its a harsh reality and I'm a prick, but if everybody had more pricks in their life telling them the truth instead of blowing up their head like they're going to be the next great fucking CEO (even though they can't form complete sentences and use abbreviations like "lmfao"), then we probably wouldn't have so many shitty people who think that the world owes them something.

So, in closing your honor, I had no clue that there were 15 illegal immigran... oh wait, wrong closing argument... In short, if you don't have people that are better than you showing you things, giving you blunt criticisms and helping you to constantly grow, then all you can hope for is being good on a whim and that's like sticking your dick in a glory hole... it might feel good, but most likely, there's a dude on the other side of that wall.